Donald Trump Was Asked What He Likes To Read And Believe It Or Not, His Answer Was Stunningly Bad

I’m not going to put on airs right now and tell you guys that I’m a “reader” of “books,” because I’m not that guy and I’d never lie to you. Books are for suckers. They’re just extra long movies with terrible CGI. But, as a non-book reader I can tell you one thing, you gotta be able to fake it better than this. This is a “40 Year Old Virgin” level of lying. “Books? Oh yeah. I love books. Books are the best. They feel like a big pillow in your hand. A big pillow of words.” I’m more inclined to believe that Gronk wrote his book, which he says he’s read most of, than I am to believe that Donald Trump has read a book since Y2K.

I’ve actually given up pretending all together so when a relative asks me what I’m reading I just spew some nonsense about how I read news stories all day so when I get home I just want to relax and watch TV, but back in my heyday I’d dazzle people with my bullshit. The best move? Say you’re re-reading a classic that you “read” (listened to class discussions about) in high school. Say you re-read that shit every year and always jot down new and interesting marginalia that you’d never noticed before. That way you sound like you’re cultured enough to appreciate the classics and can kinda hold a conversation about it.

But whatever you do, don’t say you read half a page then get distracted like a five year old in need of a Ritalin script, don’t say that you enjoy looking at books, and don’t end the answer with a statement about a completely different topic. That just serves to make you look like a total fucking buffoon.